Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
The toughest job in the world, in my opinion, is being a mother. Believe me; I have had my share of jobs. I don’t care if you are married or single. I don’t care if you are the biological or adoptive mother. I don’t care if you are the legal guardian. As long as you have raised that child or children and given him or her all the love and attention you possibly can give, that’s your child. The job never ends if you are a good parent. We are responsible for the future generation and the ones to follow. Really, I don’t know why people think when the child turns eighteen or twenty one the job is over. They will always need you for continued guidance, this or that. You will always see them as your little boy or girl. At one point I didn’t get that. For me the job began at an early age. It was the most frightening experience of my life. From the moment I knew this person was inside of me, my life was no longer just about me. After months of denial, I went in protect mode. She was my number one priority. I couldn’t afford the luxury of being selfish. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or go to the bathroom when I wanted to. I had to take medicine and get poked and prodded almost every month. Not to mention give up my body to this little stranger whom you’ve never met as well as exposing yourself to a bunch of strangers who have seen parts of your body you’ve never seen. Even before my children entered the world I had to prepare for their arrival… “My nesting period. “ I had to be so careful what I thought, felt or listened to because it would affect my children. I was suspicious of everything and everyone. My children would say I am over protective. It’s true.
As they grow you try to raise them the right way. You try to teach them right from wrong, give them a good education as well as encourage them. You want to tell them about the do’s and don’ts of hanging with the wrong crowd, how to have manners as well as respect for others and themselves. You want to trust them and believe what they tell you. My dearly departed mother, who left this earth on Mother’s Day this year, use to say, “watch how you carry yourself; PEOPLE KNOW ME IN THE STREET.” I use to laugh at her when she said this. My first thought was “they know you, but they don’t know me,” boy was I wrong. She knew everybody and they knew us. I didn’t understand what she meant until I had my own children. What she was saying was “Watch what you do in that street because it will reflect badly on me as your mother.” It didn’t matter whether you dressed badly or behaved badly. Let’s face it; our children are reflections of us….GOOD OR BAD. That is why I don’t understand why people take up for their children when they are wrong. The difference now or days is that everything you do is being recorded or monitored. With the internet, Facebook, MySpace, and cell phones you can’t afford to make one bad decision because it will stick with you the rest of your life. The Bible talks about having a good name and reputation. I found this to be true from watching my mother raise five girls with very little money, but she had awesome credit and people respected her up until the day she died because of how she treated them, I know our friends did.
They will turn on you, tell you they hate you, be disrespectful and don’t listen at times. But you need to put your foot down, and do your job. For me there was no TIME OUT, just KNOCK OUT. Sometimes all it took was a look. The world didn’t dictate how I raised my children. My Bible said spear the rod spoil the child. Unfortunately, these days some mothers aren’t mothers. They want to be their children’s friends. They want to hang out with them and dress like them and party with them. You would think the children are the parents. They don’t want to discipline or correct them when they are wrong. They don’t care what they watch on TV, who their friends are, how they dress or behave. They don’t even see to it that they go to school or attend PTA meeting, or attend their activities. But they will go to the club and check up on their MAN and see to it that HE has what HE needs or act the fool for Him; sad sisters. What disturbs me the most is church folk, believers. They will put their children in this and that. Take them to this or that. Make this meeting and that meeting, but when it comes to church or Sunday school they would say…. “I don’t know what is wrong with him or her they won’t get up, or I don’t make my children go to church like my parents made me. “STUPID!” WHO’S THE PARENT? It may be tight but it is right. As for me and my house we WILL serve the LORD, I don’t care how old you get, you visit you go. When I leave this earth I want to know I left a legacy of decent human beings.
I must admit I was a tough mother, I have settled down quite a bit since I’ve gotten older, but I always allowed my children to be children and enjoy their childhood. If any child is in my care they are mine. I believe in telling my children the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I don’t sugar coat anything. If they don’t understand, I do my best to explain. If they chose to do the opposite, well that’s on them. I will always love them, but I will let them face the consequences. No bail out, just love, support and prayer. This they know about me. As a mother I will always be there for them. I let them know when they are wrong and when they do something right. I am and always will be their number one fan. Now, I am not saying that I didn’t make mistakes. Shoot, I made a lot. However, I had to learn from them; most of the time it was the hard way. No way was I perfect. But I did my very best. I keep growing and learning. I had to learn to say “I’m sorry.
Just because you raise them in the church doesn’t mean they will always be your perfect little angels when they leave your sight. They will make mistakes. They will break your heart. You will ask yourself many times where did I go wrong? So be careful not to put them on a pedestal and act as though they are better than anyone else’s child. This is a job that will test your faith and trust on a regular basis. You don’t get paid, you can’t retire, and it can affect your health from time to time if you let it. You will probably lose sleep and stay up walking the floor all night. This job will keep you on your knees in prayer crying out to God. There is no vacation unless you take one, even then, you will still be on the job if not physically, then mentally. I have done it 28 years and counting. When you become a grandmother the cycle begins again.
What I have found out over the years is that I had to let go and let God. I had to realize that I have done my job. I have done what was required of me. It was time for me to enjoy my life and DO ME! I had to trust that I have given them the foundation and the tools; and it is their job to build on it. The Bible says we should “train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6) It also says to “trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding; in ALL your ways acknowledge Him and He SHALL direct your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)
Whenever I told my children something, I could hear God’s voice saying it right back to me. If I told them to do their homework, study, pray, read the Bible, go to church and Sunday school, forgive, love, don’t hang out with the wrong crowd, don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t use or sell drugs, don’t have sex before marriage, I realized that God was telling me to lead by example. I thank God he trusted this job to me. Believe me I can’t say I always felt that way. But I do. Being a parent keeps me in line. It shows me how I should behave in God’s eye sight. He is my Heavenly Father, Lord and Savior. He gave us women an awesome task, really anyone who is responsible for children as a mentor, advisor, counselor, teacher, etc. could be a child’s substitute parent. They watch every move we make and they need us to be good examples, because a lot of children don’t have that. Believe me if you don’t raise them someone else will…..THE WORLD (Satan)! You will need them one day. The roles, if you live long enough, will change and they will have to take care of you. I KNOW THIS FIRST HAND. So…”Teach them right, Treat them right, and They will be alright” then you won’t need a DNA test to tell you that …You ARE the Mother!
© Copyright 10/09
Ella D. Fleming
Norva Myles Said:
on October 26, 2009 at 5:06 pm
This is so good. Could not have said it better, i had to learn to let go and let God with my grown daughters and my grandchildren. I feel so much better now that God had takenm control of his children that he loaned me. I sleep better and I always remind God of His promises. Thou shalt keep me in perfect peace, if I keep my mind on HIM.
God bless all.
Tis so sweet to trust GOD;-))))
ellasblog46 Said:
on October 27, 2009 at 1:08 am
Praise His Holy Name. If it had not been for the Lord on my side. We need to pray on and hope they get it together.
Yvette Lambright Said:
on October 26, 2009 at 6:25 pm
Truly enjoyed reading this Ella! You are so on point. I too made mistakes… you live and learn. I remember early on when my kids were small asking God, “why in the world would you ever trust me with raising children when you know you can barely trust me with myself”. But I look at them now and along with the many others I’ve had the priviledge of raising in complete wonder, remembering the times when things were once hard to grasp now come with ease. Within these past couple of years I had to ask God to please deliver me from children. I was a mother that raised them in the way that they should go and when they failed to implement those things they were taught I could not continue stressing myself, fussing and arguing. I have a peace that surpasses understanding and a joy that the world did not and could not give and ain’t no demon in hell going take any of it away, not even my children!