Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
What I will like to discuss in the next few blogs is what I would like to see happen in the body of Christ to help keep homes together. Like most married couples out there, more specifically us wives, we have issues in our marriages that we wish we had a platform to express our frustrations and concerns not only with other women, but with our companions. It is sad to say that the church isn’t always a good place to air our “dirty laundry” because people have a tendency to judge and confidentiality is almost non-existent. Let’s face it; people want you to think that everything is perfect. Personally, I feel it is only when you share that you can be free and others can be free as well. However, you must be wise about where and who you share your problems with. Why can’t it be in the church where we come and fellowship and worship God who designed marriage in the first place?
Now, I feel strongly about marriage and family. I believe a strong family, especially black families, is an endangered species. Like most of you I have questions about marriage. I use to get upset with God because He seemed to only speak to me about me and not to my husband about himself. I found myself many times getting highly ticked off because God would show me what I needed to do or what I needed to change, while my husband would just have a grand old time sleeping, eating and going about his merry way like nothing was wrong with him. That is what I get for asking the questions.
As a married Christian woman it is really hard because you look for other believers to share their experiences or pray for more teaching on marriage to learn how others made it through certain situations, but it is almost nonexistent in the black church. The Bible says that the older women are to teach the younger. Well I have yet to see that happen. Let’s face it; people don’t want to come clean. They don’t know who to trust and where to turn with private, sometimes hurtful issues. The way things are going marriage between a man and a woman will be almost nonexistent.
Having grown up in a single parent home, I have only known one married couple and they weren’t a good example. The only black family I ever saw in the church was on a fan. There were none on TV in the early 60s. It wasn’t until the early 70′s we saw Good Times, then the Jefferson’s, then later the Cosby Show. None went to church as a family.
You look for groups and ministries only to find that they have their own agenda and it has nothing to do with praying, guidance, teaching, and enrichment; most of the time it is just fellowshipping and networking. When you are in a broken marriage or what seem to be a 911 crisis let’s face it; you don’t want to go out to eat or spend time, let alone spend money that you don’t have, with the person you are having problems with. No need to fake it to make it, or go along just to try to get along only to end up looking for a divorce lawyer the next day.
People are hurting and they want direction and answers. Talking about our concerns and frustrations in marriage and relationships in general isn’t easy, but I know with the help of the Lord we can make it through together. We all have something to share. I pray that what I share will be a blessing to someone.
(Also see attached link under “Authors, Videos, and Websites” and click on “Love, Marriage, and Stinking Thinking” by Mark Gungor, Relationship Speaker and Author.)
© Copyright 12/09
Mrs. Ella D. Fleming
