Buy the Cow or Moooooove On!

{ January 19, 2010 @ 8:17 pm } · { Daily Life, Self Esteem for Women }
{ Tags: Dating, Life lessons, male and female issues, Marriage and family, Personal growth }

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing,
and obtaineth favor of the Lord.
Proverbs 18:22

Once I purchased a book for a friend on dating rules for Christians. In one of the chapters it stated that a man shouldn’t date a woman for more than six months if he doesn’t plan on marrying her. The point is that a woman shouldn’t be kept off the market for more than a year if there is no possibility for marriage.

I totally agree, however, with a shorter dating period. The flesh is weak, can I get an Amen? The other reason I feel the dating period should be shorter is because we, as women, can get caught up in the fantasy that we can and will get this man to change his mind. In some rarer case it may be possible, but not likely as you get older. You see, I think men know who and if they are going to marry a woman buy a certain time, although they probably will not admit it. Also there are some men who are flat out against it. We all know the phrase, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.” Sisters it’s time to close down the dairy farm, if you know what I mean.

There is nothing sadder than a woman who has dated a man for more than three years; especially a Christian woman. Yes I said it. There is also nothing sadder than a woman who has put her life on hold as far as not having any children, dating a married man or shacking up with a man waiting for him to marry her. Yes I went there. What is even worse, if you are a saved woman, sitting up under the Word of God, and working in ministry shacking or being someone’s mistress and taking communion. This is dangerous! Especially if you have daughters. Generational curses. Need I say more.

Growing up, I had the opportunity to watch a lot of woman live this lifestyle. I was able to see the outcome of a lot of single women in each of these scenarios. I often wondered why they would give so much for so little in return. I often asked myself why would they settled for a few visits here or there and a couple of trinkets only to end up old and alone. Yes I am talking about the mistress. Or what I call them……Miss Stress, because she causes stress on herself, their children (if she has any for him) and the wife of the man.

Now I know you may be asking yourself what does she know about all of this, well I’m glad you asked. Been there, done that. No, I wasn’t a “Miss Stress,” but like a lot of young woman I have been approached. I won’t go into what I said to those men, let’s just say I wasn’t speaking in tongues. However, I am the product of a married man, so I saw first hand the problems it causes which was a difficult situation for me growing up and well into my adulthood.

However, I can speak on the shacking from experience which I must say is not a good feeling internally if you are trying to serve the Lord. Let’s just say I know why it is called, “Shacking.” You see a shack is old, drafty, shaky, decrepit, cold, and it doesn’t have a firm foundation. One strong wind or upset then it falls apart. You can’t get insurance on it and it is not worth buying. You feel me. Fortunately, I woke up and told my husband, then “live in friend” in so many words, “are you going to marry me because if you won’t someone else will?” That was 23 years ago.

For all you sisters out there who are in this situation, my prayer for you is to find the strength to let go and let God be first in your lives. Let these men know that you are worth more than a good time and a backup plan. Don’t believe the hype that you don’t need to have a ring or papers for him to show he loves you. Honey, yes you do. You also need to be vested for ten years to get all the benefits. I know you may be afraid to be alone, but look at it this way if he dies you will be anyway and you will have to start all over again with nothing to show for it.

Wouldn’t you expect a promotion on your job after all your years of loyal service, and wouldn’t you be ticked off if they gave the promotion to someone else after you have put in all your time, energy, blood, sweat and tears? The word of God says in Hebrews 13:4, “Marriage is honourable in all and the bed is undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers, God will judge.” So tell that man to “BUY THE COW OR….. MOOOOOVE ON!”

(Also check out the question of the week under pages and Love, Marriage and Stinkin Thinking)
©Copyright 1/10
Mrs. Ella D. Fleming