Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

Back in the day, when I was a little girl, trick or treaters would play a trick on the person who didn’t give them any candy. Candies would be snatched or your bag would be replaced with a bag of rocks.

When I became a Christian and learned what this holiday really represented I stopped participating. I don’t allow my children to be involved in it either. I made them aware of what this day really represented and what types of evil practices some in this world engaged in during this time of year.

Because times are changing and the world is so wicked, other options are offered to those who practice this tradition. Churches are now offering alternatives to parents for their children to help keep them safe. They are offering a place where they can have fun, learn about the Lord, and get lots of treats. This I believe is a good thing.

Unfortunately, people are still putting on their mask and dressing up in their costumes to go trick or treating, but this time it is in the church. They are wearing their nice suits and ties, dresses and hats, carrying their big bibles and wearing their big crosses around their necks while quoting scriptures and praising the Lord all the while they are “Tricking and Treating.” They are going from woman to woman or man to man looking for something “Sweet to bag.” Treating themselves to whatever is willing and available.

Now, “This spirit,” and that is what it is, doesn’t not care if the person it is approaching is married or single, or whether the person it is using is married. It doesn’t care if you are a minister, preacher, teacher, pastor, old or young, male or female.

It doesn’t care if you are a babe in Christ trying to leave your past in the past to walk on the straight and narrow path. It doesn’t care if you are a mature Christian reading your bible everyday and praying around the clock. Lord help you if you are looking for a husband or a wife! That is when it can pull out its best tricks. You see its main goal is to tear up the church (the body of Christ).

What is sad is that we in the body are falling for the trick of the enemy. We are allowing the enemy to weave its web of deceit and lies. My sisters and brothers we all know that just because something looks good and sounds good that doesn’t mean that it is good for us. Too much candy can cause cavities. (Feel me?)

Who is this Spirit? Well I’m glad you asked. It is the spirit of “Lust.” Lust takes and takes and takes. It always destroys who it possesses. It walks in the house of God with an agenda. It is very bold, cunning, and deceiving. It wears its costume well and it knows how to work you like a smooth playing sax that seduces you into believing that it is holy, saved, and loves the Lord all the while it’s destroying your marriage, your sense of right and wrong, your character, integrity, life, as well as your purpose. As soon as this spirit is finished with you then it moves on to the next victim. Yes this spirit can hop from one person to another.

It tells you what you want to hear and knows exactly what you like. Its job is to tear up your family, lead you away from God, and destroy your witness. This spirit has an arsenal of weapons we call temptations. The word of God says that the devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Satan can come as a wolf in sheep’s clothing. He can disguise himself as an angel of light.

Now that I have explained what a “Trick” is it is only fair that I tell you what a “Treat” is. A treat will be a blessing in your life. He or she will not use the body of Christ as their hunting ground. They will sincerely want what the word of God wants for their lives and yours. It will build up and not tear down. It will not play games. It is honest and forth coming about what it wants from a relationship and will wait on God to get it. It will not share its goodies with everyone and will keep all its goodies bagged.

The bible says we should try the spirit to see if it of the God. It also says we should walk in the spirit so that we will not fulfill the lust of the flesh. So when that tall, dark, and handsome, six foot three, muscular man; or that five foot three, coke cola bottle shaped, long haired, brown skinned beauty approaches you with his or her treats….STOP! Ask yourself three questions: 1: Did I pray about this? 2. Am I being lead by my flesh or by the word of God? 3. Is he or she a “Trick or a Treat?”

By Ella D. Fleming
Copyright: October 21, 2010

Pro 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

‎411-Don’t take what you can get just because you can’t have what you really want; then when what you want becomes available you throw what you have away just to end up with nothing. Wait, Pray, Stay in the will of God. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Mat 6:33

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

Intrigued, I could hardly believe my eyes. I watched as the little duckling struggled to break free of them only to get run down, tackled mercilessly to the ground while the more aggressive duck continuously picked at the little duck’s neck. This went on for quite a while and one by one his attackers would give up and walk away as this little duck would struggle for its life and break free only to be caught and pinned down again, yet he would break free until it was just him and the main aggressor. This bigger duck continued to pick at his neck, tackle, and run behind him until the smaller duck ran into the bushes and I couldn’t see them anymore.

As I watched I found myself cheering for the duckling. I wanted so badly to intervene, but somehow deep inside I knew that I would be out of order that I would be interfering with the circle of life. After a few seconds in the bushes the bigger duck came out alone. I was so upset I called a friend to tell her play by play what was taking place and she told me that animals can sense when another animal is weak or sick.

If that duckling could speak I imagine him yelling, “STOP PICKING ON ME!” I wanted to tell that baby duck to “RUN FOREST RUN!” No, I think I’ll call him Joseph because this reminds me of how his brothers treated him. I too can relate to what the little duck was going through because this is how I feel when the devil starts messing with me. He just wants to keep sending his biggest and meanest demons to pick on me and mess with my mind and fill it with doubt and fear. Every time I would put positive thoughts in my head and feel good about life and the direction it’s going, here he comes on the attack.

There are days I feel like giving up and I want to throw in the towel. When it seems like I am down for the count; I hear a word from the Lord then I get a little bit stronger and break free. When it seems the enemy has me pinned to the ground, I get this extra burst of energy and start running for my life. Sometimes I just want to run and hide because there is no help in sight, but just like I was watching over that duckling, and cheering for it I know that Jesus is always watching and cheering for me.

Life is full of bullies. They can be your spouse, your children, your boss or coworkers; you’re so called friends, or your church family. No matter what goes on in your life, no matter how many times you’ve made a mistake, been beaten down by circumstances, situations, or others; keep fighting. Don’t let anyone or anything keep you down. Not your family, so called friends, chick nor child. You may have to retreat to your prayer closet to pray, fast and read your word to get stronger so you can fully develop into a more mature Christian, but don’t ever give up on yourself or life. Live to fight another day and fight the good fight of faith.

Remember when you are weak that is when you are strong. The meek SHALL inherit the earth. I believe that that little duck got away from his attacker in that bush that day, and in my sanctified imagination I see he is somewhere getting bigger and stronger and more powerful than his enemies and he will one day rule over that pond to watch over all the weak and defenseless ducks protecting them from all the bullies just like Jesus sent his Holy Spirit to watch, keep, and protect us. THANK YOU JESUS!

Ella D. Fleming
©Copyright
6/7/10

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning time.

One of the most vivid memories of my childhood was watching a friend of my momma’s coming by to see her on one of the hottest days and having to pull off all her clothes just to enjoy a visit. This woman had on a long lined girdle the kind they had to hitch all the way up, a long lined bra, the one that had to be snapped all the way down your back, stockings and a slip, not to mention a wig and her dress all in the summer time. Back then my momma would have a house dress for her female guest to put on and I watched in amazement as this woman would take these contraptions off of her body, with my mother’s help of course, only to repeat it again when it was time for her to leave. Lord the things we women have to go through just to look good.

It wasn’t until I was much older that I understood the reason for all that get up. Today not much has changed. In fact I find myself repeating my momma’s tradition and yes I still hate wearing a slip and all that other mess, but I know I must. You see slips are designed to cover up what you don’t want anyone to see underneath. Because of how it is made it may be a little longer or shorter for your outfits so you would have to adjust the straps. Sometimes even after adjusting the straps it still may be a little too long so it will show.

Thank God for those, kind, concern persons who will walk up behind you and whisper in your ear, “Excuse me, but your slip is showing”. Of course if you are like me you already know, but after you have tried fooling with it for a while you just say what the heck, get disgusted, and take it off and put that sucker in your purse.

Our Christian walk is the same way. We have a lot of issues that we try to cover up; things that we don’t want anyone to know about or see through. We dress ourselves up so nice and pretty hoping and praying for the chance to get free of all the mess that is underneath; especially when things get to hot for us. We can get so caught up in doing the wrong thing knowing good and well that we are slowly slipping and as much as we try to sing, pray, and shout all the while knowing we are just going through the motions knowing we can’t seem to get it together.

We are constantly making adjustments and tucking things in hoping it won’t show. When you know you are missing the mark or backsliding you think no one sees you, but God does. It is good to have those people who are close to you to tell you when you are messing up or about to make a mistake and tell you you need to get back into your word and pray. Those are your true friends.

But thank God for that person who constantly whispers in our ears everyday, The Holy Spirit, and tells us ever so sweetly and gently, “Your SLIP is showing.” Of course you already know, but knowing that He is still speaking to you is a blessing in itself. You see He can release you from all your struggles and replace them with something lighter if you take time to visit with Him. He will let you know that even though you may be slipping you don’t have to fall because HE will catch you…….excuse me but I just have to shout on that, Hallelujah!

Jesus sent Him to guide and direct us in the path that we should go. So when you feel your life is getting out of control and you find yourself slipping back into the world and your old ways, remember what Paul said in Ephesians 6:13-18, “Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints. If we remember to do this we won’t have to worry about….”Our SLIP Showing!”

Ella D. Fleming
©Copyright 4/10

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

Although it hurt to walk away and let him go, I couldn’t watch him suffer any longer…tear drop, tear drop. This is true with anyone or anything you love. You have to know when to let go. I will always remember the wonderful times I spent with my dog and how loyal and faithful he has been to me and my children for over seventeen years.

We all need that type of loyalty and love. I feel for people who’ve never been in love, and have never been loved in returned. I must say I have been blessed to have known love at a young age, and to have been loved by some wonderful people in my life. Yes it hurt deeply when it ended, but I also believe that if it was meant to be it will come back again. No one should ever be deprived of it. Now, I’m not talking about lust. Thank God I know the difference. And thank God I know what “TRUE LOVE” really feels like. And yes, when I love I love hard, and I am a hopeless romantic.

Some love can be wonderful and some can be toxic. Some can give, and some can take. We all may have heard the saying “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” well at the time you don’t feel that way especially when you’ve lost someone you love. We may have also heard that “It takes a fool to learn that Love don’t love nobody.” I will be a fool because I know that true “LOVE” loves everybody.

However, some people just don’t know how to love. There could be a number of reasons why. One reason maybe because they may have heart failure. They fail to have a heart for people. They may have been hurt by someone really badly in their life or no one has ever shown them how. Their hearts may have been hardened to the possibility of finding or giving love. Whatever the reason, I say it is never too late. The Bible says, and I am paraphrasing, if you want a friend you must show yourself to be friendly. Well I also say if you want love you must show yourself to be loveable.

The Bible says in 1 Corn. 13:4-8 nas. Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous, love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things endures all things. Love never fails.

Having gone through what I call my, “Season of Loss,” starting with September 11, 2001 most painfully the lost of my mother on Mother’s Day 2009; and other senior members of my family within a period of less than a year. I thank God for one thing and that is he was preparing me for this season. All except one, I’ve lost within this season was blessed to have lived a long productive life and God has given them more than four scores and ten years. All, but one, went on their own terms. Yes, even my dog, Midnight.

The truth is none of us is here to stay. We all have an expiration date. The question is whose life have you touched or made a difference in during your stay on this planet? Have you made someone laugh when they were sad? Have you been a loyal and true friend, a good mother, father, daughter, or son, husband or wife? Did you reach out to someone in need? Or have you been selfish or ungrateful and think the world always revolves around you and what you want and need?

I’m not a fan of the movie “What’s Love Got to Do With It?” Not because of the actors or because it was a bad movie, but because of the abuse. I’m also not a fan of the title. You see love has everything to do with it. Love gave His only begotten son so that we might have a right to the tree of life. Love showed us how to love one another. Love wanted to stay but knew He had to go to fulfill His purpose so that we can fulfill ours. Love died on a cross for my sins. Love knew when to let go. Love will come back again and take us with Him. Love never dies. THANK YOU JESUS!

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

There is always someone trying to impress you with what they have; who they are, where they’ve been, what they’ve done….blah, blah, blah. They have to be the center of attention. They need a title, or a position. I call this the “Gain, got to get, me, my, here I am, see me, syndrome.” They can never be behind the scene or hidden in the shadows. I expect this from the world, but the sad thing is we bring this mess in the church where we are to be servants.

Sometimes you may not even realize you are performing. You may have been in the roll so long that it has become second nature to you. You wake up in the morning, pray, get dress, go to work….”Perform.” You get around your boss/coworkers and….”Perform.” You come home to your family and….”Perform.” Spend time with your significant other and……”Perform.” Go to church and……”Perform.” The next day it all begins again.

The truth is we who call ourselves Christians were once a dressed up mess that God cleaned up and transformed into new creatures in Christ Jesus. This is something we should constantly be aware of as we walk through life. Before we become so heavenly minded that we’re no earthly good we should remember that if it had not been for the Lord who was on our side it could have been, should have been and still could be us _______________; you fill in the blank.

The question is what are we really like when the spotlight is not on us? When the music isn’t playing and no one is around to give us our cues. “LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION!” Who are we when the curtain goes down; when the applause stops? Will you keep on performing and forget to call “SCENE” so that you can still be “SEEN?”

As much as I enjoy acting and playing another character, I still have to face me every day. I still have to like who I see in the mirror. She could be happy one day or sad the next. She could have a little money or be broke. She could be fat or skinny, old or young, etc. The question is am I who I say I am? This is a tough question for me because the truth is I don’t really know myself as well as I think I do. I’m learning more about me every day. Some things I like, some things I don’t want anyone to see. Thank God for my LORD and Savior: Key word is LORD who is over my life.

Every day I struggle with my old nature. Some days I just have to tell myself about myself and put me in check. I’ve learned to never say never because you can find your self doing the very thing you said you would never do or at least be tempted to do what you said you would never do. When you are a Christian you want to strive to do better to live Holy because people are constantly watching you whether you know it or not, or want them to or not.

You may be the only bible some people will ever read so your every word, syllable, or move is being dissected and observed. However, there are those who just want to criticize and destroy your reputation and find fault with you, your beliefs, or your church. Unfortunately, we in the body of Christ do that to each other more than the world does.

We look for perfection in an imperfect world. You expect everyone to be nice, sweet, honest and caring if you are that type of person, or not. You expect people to give if you are a giver or not: expect a thank you when you do something nice for someone. You expect others to love you because you love them or even if you don’t; expect others to never hurt you because you would never want to hurt them even if you probably will.

The bible says that we are but dust and our righteousness is as filthy rags. That tells me that I need to remain humble. I need to let the Lord be the writer, the director and the camera crew. Since he has cast me as the main character in this story called “MY LIFE.” I can’t and shouldn’t rush to get to the end or try to figure out the plot; something I do when I watch television or a movie. I just need to play my part to the best of my ability and hope and pray I capture my audience’s attention and get His message across.

I need to let Him pick the co-stars and other characters in my story. He may keep these people in my life for a season, or they may make a guest appearance, or perhaps they may just have a cameo. He is in control. I may never have a lot of fans; I may never get any applause or any recognition from man. However, just the satisfaction of knowing that the one who created me and loves me unconditionally is my critic and He has already written His review before the foundation of the world knowing that He will finish the work he has begun is more than enough for me.

Remember, you may fool some of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool all the people all the time, and you can’t fool God at all. We need to keep it real because “Reality shows.”

©Copyright 2/10
Mrs. Ella D. Fleming

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

Once I purchased a book for a friend on dating rules for Christians. In one of the chapters it stated that a man shouldn’t date a woman for more than six months if he doesn’t plan on marrying her. The point is that a woman shouldn’t be kept off the market for more than a year if there is no possibility for marriage.

I totally agree, however, with a shorter dating period. The flesh is weak, can I get an Amen? The other reason I feel the dating period should be shorter is because we, as women, can get caught up in the fantasy that we can and will get this man to change his mind. In some rarer case it may be possible, but not likely as you get older. You see, I think men know who and if they are going to marry a woman buy a certain time, although they probably will not admit it. Also there are some men who are flat out against it. We all know the phrase, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.” Sisters it’s time to close down the dairy farm, if you know what I mean.

There is nothing sadder than a woman who has dated a man for more than three years; especially a Christian woman. Yes I said it. There is also nothing sadder than a woman who has put her life on hold as far as not having any children, dating a married man or shacking up with a man waiting for him to marry her. Yes I went there. What is even worse, if you are a saved woman, sitting up under the Word of God, and working in ministry shacking or being someone’s mistress and taking communion. This is dangerous! Especially if you have daughters. Generational curses. Need I say more.

Growing up, I had the opportunity to watch a lot of woman live this lifestyle. I was able to see the outcome of a lot of single women in each of these scenarios. I often wondered why they would give so much for so little in return. I often asked myself why would they settled for a few visits here or there and a couple of trinkets only to end up old and alone. Yes I am talking about the mistress. Or what I call them……Miss Stress, because she causes stress on herself, their children (if she has any for him) and the wife of the man.

Now I know you may be asking yourself what does she know about all of this, well I’m glad you asked. Been there, done that. No, I wasn’t a “Miss Stress,” but like a lot of young woman I have been approached. I won’t go into what I said to those men, let’s just say I wasn’t speaking in tongues. However, I am the product of a married man, so I saw first hand the problems it causes which was a difficult situation for me growing up and well into my adulthood.

However, I can speak on the shacking from experience which I must say is not a good feeling internally if you are trying to serve the Lord. Let’s just say I know why it is called, “Shacking.” You see a shack is old, drafty, shaky, decrepit, cold, and it doesn’t have a firm foundation. One strong wind or upset then it falls apart. You can’t get insurance on it and it is not worth buying. You feel me. Fortunately, I woke up and told my husband, then “live in friend” in so many words, “are you going to marry me because if you won’t someone else will?” That was 23 years ago.

For all you sisters out there who are in this situation, my prayer for you is to find the strength to let go and let God be first in your lives. Let these men know that you are worth more than a good time and a backup plan. Don’t believe the hype that you don’t need to have a ring or papers for him to show he loves you. Honey, yes you do. You also need to be vested for ten years to get all the benefits. I know you may be afraid to be alone, but look at it this way if he dies you will be anyway and you will have to start all over again with nothing to show for it.

Wouldn’t you expect a promotion on your job after all your years of loyal service, and wouldn’t you be ticked off if they gave the promotion to someone else after you have put in all your time, energy, blood, sweat and tears? The word of God says in Hebrews 13:4, “Marriage is honourable in all and the bed is undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers, God will judge.” So tell that man to “BUY THE COW OR….. MOOOOOVE ON!”

(Also check out the question of the week under pages and Love, Marriage and Stinkin Thinking)
©Copyright 1/10
Mrs. Ella D. Fleming

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

I have the same situation with my old Camry. I bought it brand new in 1992. My husband wants me to junk it. I want to put in a new engine and whatever else and give it to my son. I know my car I’ve already rebuilt the engine once and added new things to it. It’s paid for. I know the amount of the insurance, the taxes, and the mileage on it. If they’d just put the oil in the car it would still be running. If I buy a new or a used car, I will have to start all over again with unknown problems and spend more money. For me it is cheaper for me to keep what I got.

Technology is changing all the time. There will always be something new that will attract your attention and curiosity. It is the same way when you are married. You promise to stay together for the rest of your life before God and witnesses, but for a lot of people that means until someone better comes along. You know the saying “Out with the old and in with the new.”

I am sure both my husband and I have felt that way a few times in our marriage after so many years together, but we talk about how we are feeling and we remember what we mean to each other. The truth is it is a trick of the enemy. He knows that we are visual and emotional creatures. He knows our flesh is weak and responds to the lust of the eyes. He will put things before us and tell us that he or she doesn’t look as nice or as fine as they use to. He or she doesn’t earn as much money or want the same things as I do. He or she doesn’t understand me or get me. You and I know that “THE DEVIL IS A LIAR AND DECEIVER.” Most of the time this is just an exuse to leave.

It seems that people aren’t satisfied with what they have. It’s as if they want to upgrade to a better model. I call this the “New Car Smell.” Just like the new cell phones with the texting, internet, videos, etc we want the new car with the shiny paint, leather interior, the sparkling rims, and the extra bells and whistles. Never mind that you have a perfectly good telephone that works and does what it is suppose to do, “it rings, you can talk in it and it’s there just in case of an emergency” What you have may be an older model with a few scratches and dents. It may need a new battery, an oil change, or a tune up, but it is yours, it’s paid for, and you know everything about it. It has been loyal to you for years, in sickness and in health.

We as married people need to remember everything that glitters aint gold, under the green grass there are worms. You can’t buy real loyalty and trust. We all need to make improvements but it is a team effort. Looks change, circumstances change, feelings change, but true love and commitment shouldn’t. Work with what you have. Have fun, enjoy each other, laugh, do things you’ve never done before, have each other’s backs. We all want and need to make changes, change doesn’t always mean upgrade or trade in. This doesn’t make you happy nor does it always satisfy. God wants us to renew our minds, change our hearts and minds to the mind of Christ. Sometimes you need to take a second look at what you already have and make improvements.

Marriage can get complacent and boring at times. You will feel alone and unsatisfied with how things are going. But your commitment is not only with your spouse, but with God. This is who you made your vows to. So my recommendation is to recharge your battery and buy a can of air freshener. Restore and rebuild. Make changes for the better together.

It’s like I tell my son, who doesn’t have a job or money, “you don’t need a new cell phone with all the fancy stuff and you don’t need a new car that will cost more than you can’t afford; they too will eventually be obsolete. Learn to appreciate what you have. Over the years I have come to learn that the old sayings are true. One man’s junk is another man’s treasure, and you don’t miss your water until your well runs dry. So people “Work with what you’re working with!”

©Copyright 1/10
Mrs. Ella D. Fleming

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

What I will like to discuss in the next few blogs is what I would like to see happen in the body of Christ to help keep homes together. Like most married couples out there, more specifically us wives, we have issues in our marriages that we wish we had a platform to express our frustrations and concerns not only with other women, but with our companions. It is sad to say that the church isn’t always a good place to air our “dirty laundry” because people have a tendency to judge and confidentiality is almost non-existent. Let’s face it; people want you to think that everything is perfect. Personally, I feel it is only when you share that you can be free and others can be free as well. However, you must be wise about where and who you share your problems with. Why can’t it be in the church where we come and fellowship and worship God who designed marriage in the first place?

Now, I feel strongly about marriage and family. I believe a strong family, especially black families, is an endangered species. Like most of you I have questions about marriage. I use to get upset with God because He seemed to only speak to me about me and not to my husband about himself. I found myself many times getting highly ticked off because God would show me what I needed to do or what I needed to change, while my husband would just have a grand old time sleeping, eating and going about his merry way like nothing was wrong with him. That is what I get for asking the questions.

As a married Christian woman it is really hard because you look for other believers to share their experiences or pray for more teaching on marriage to learn how others made it through certain situations, but it is almost nonexistent in the black church. The Bible says that the older women are to teach the younger. Well I have yet to see that happen. Let’s face it; people don’t want to come clean. They don’t know who to trust and where to turn with private, sometimes hurtful issues. The way things are going marriage between a man and a woman will be almost nonexistent.

Having grown up in a single parent home, I have only known one married couple and they weren’t a good example. The only black family I ever saw in the church was on a fan. There were none on TV in the early 60s. It wasn’t until the early 70′s we saw Good Times, then the Jefferson’s, then later the Cosby Show. None went to church as a family.

You look for groups and ministries only to find that they have their own agenda and it has nothing to do with praying, guidance, teaching, and enrichment; most of the time it is just fellowshipping and networking. When you are in a broken marriage or what seem to be a 911 crisis let’s face it; you don’t want to go out to eat or spend time, let alone spend money that you don’t have, with the person you are having problems with. No need to fake it to make it, or go along just to try to get along only to end up looking for a divorce lawyer the next day.

People are hurting and they want direction and answers. Talking about our concerns and frustrations in marriage and relationships in general isn’t easy, but I know with the help of the Lord we can make it through together. We all have something to share. I pray that what I share will be a blessing to someone.

(Also see attached link under “Authors, Videos, and Websites” and click on “Love, Marriage, and Stinking Thinking” by Mark Gungor, Relationship Speaker and Author.)

© Copyright 12/09
Mrs. Ella D. Fleming

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

Rainy days are truly a time of relaxation and solitude for me. It is during those times I am forced to slow down, stay indoors and catch up on what I may have been putting off for a while. On a rainy day I get to do the one thing I enjoy and that is to stay in bed, sleep, or watch old movies. The harder it rains the better. Shoot, I even slept through hurricane Hugo.

The rain serves a wonderful purpose. It cleans off the filth and pollen, replenishes dry places, helps things grow, and waters the crops to provide food, as well as drinking water. It also lets us know when our roof is leaking.

Have you ever noticed that it can be sunny on one side of town and pouring down on the other? In everyone’s life some rain will fall. It could be your turn today and mine tomorrow. We can’t avoid it. As much as we would love to avoid the storms there is no getting around it.

I’m sure at one time or another we’ve all asked God why did this or that happen to me; him or her. What did I do to deserve this or that. When will it all end? I know I’ve asked those questions maybe once or twice, but then I had to repent because who am I to question the One who created everything. I know that things happen for a reason even if I don’t always understand at the time; I know that one day I will.

Nothing and no one belongs to us; they are only loaned to us for a season. We are to be good stewards over what God has blessed us with and thank him for who and what he has placed in our lives. The Bible says in 1Th 5:18 in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you….key word IN. That includes the storms in our lives. It also says that the rain will fall on the just (righteous) as well as the unjust (unrighteous).

It is understandable to want to say “Rain, rain go away,” but without the rain in our lives we as children of God would not grow. Trials come to make us strong, humble us, teach us to pray, and to have a closer relationship with our Heavenly Father. Without the storms in our lives we would never know about the hole in our heart that only God can fill. We would not be still and hear what God is trying to say to us or reflect and focus on what is truly important.

Without rain (trails and tribulations), we would never know that He can fix the leaks (problems) in our lives. We would never give Him the praise that He deserves. No, we don’t like the rain or getting caught in it, for that matter, but we who trust in the ture and living God know that this too shall pass and the “Son” will come out.

© Copyright 12/09
Ella D. Fleming

Phl 4:19

But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches and glory by Christ Jesus.

Seeing the smiles of those who came together,
from near and far no matter what the weather.
I would say that I am not worthy of you worshiping me,
this was my purpose; why I came to be.
For I am just a creation of the Creator
a product of the most High God.
His gift was much greater,
I know it had to be very hard.

I would tell you to give thanks for all He has done.
He gave the ultimate sacrifice of His only begotten Son.
It’s not about the food, gifts, or the
shopping duirng the holiday season.
Let’s give thanks knowing that our Heavenly Father is able
to supply all your needs according to His
riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

WHAT ARE YOU THANKING THE LORD FOR?

© Copyright 11/09
Ella D. Fleming

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

In the book of Exodus the Bible talks about God bringing the children of Israel out of Egypt and how they wondered in the wilderness for forty years on a journey that should have only taken eleven days. God provided for their every need. He kept their clothes, provided food, He protected them from sickness, and He led their way by day and night. He wanted them to make it to the promise land, however, because of their complaining and disobedience, an entire generation was wiped out and only the younger generation was able to make it into the land flowing with milk and honey. Now I know I left out a great deal of the story, but you can read it for yourself.

The point I am trying to make is this. The younger generation had a “Wilderness Experience” before they got to the “Promise Land;” the land that was flowing with milk and honey. However, they had to go and possess the land. That’s right; they had to fight for it. They had to trust God to do what He said He would do. My question to you is this, why do we try to deprive our children, “The next generation,” of their “Wilderness Experience?” Why do we feel the need to give our children everything that we never had? Why do we want to steal their testimony?

Now I understand wanting to give them a better education, clean clothes, food and a decent home to live in. I also understand putting aside money for their education and allowing them the opportunity to participate in certain activities that weren’t available to people of a certain race, income, or background. I also understand taking them to various places to experience life outside of their own circle. What I don’t understand is all this other stuff.

We have parents out here buying their children designer clothes and sneakers as well as rings and jewelry before they can even walk or talk; and the poor children will grow out of the clothes in a matter of weeks. They buy them the latest cell phones and purses, video games, even cars when they are toddlers and preteens. I’m not just talking about rich people; I’m talking about poor and middle class as well.

You also have these parents who take up for their children when they do something wrong or bail them out of everything they get themselves into instead of making them deal with the consequences of their actions. They do all of this, but they won’t bring them to church or Sunday school or anything that has to do with teachings about God. We won’t teach them to pray or read the Bible, but they can have any R rated video or CD to watch or listen to.

Unfortunately, these children will grow up not knowing what it is like to work hard for anything. Nor will they know the words “NO” or “Wait.” They will grow up thinking this is all life is about and that the world owes them something. The sad thing is when they are deprived of the lifestyle that they have become accustomed to, they’ll take drastic measures to obtain it. Some sell their bodies; marry for money, steal, or even kill to get it.

Unlike the children of Israel, who was being taught by Moses and their elders about the goodness and judgment of God, how they needed to appreciate what He provided and the consequences of disobedience and ungratefulness; this generation is being taught the “ATM, Microwave God,” and “The Santa Clause, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fair lies.” Tell me, what are you going to tell them when you are no longer able to provide for them and there is no spiritual foundation or teaching of Jesus on how you need to have faith and unwavering trust in the only true and living God? They should be told that their self-worth does not come from things, but their integrity.

Are they being told that manners and humility will take them farther than money ever will? Maybe, just maybe we won’t have all these crimes being committed. Maybe our daughters will keep their clothes on and get off of the poles and out of the videos, or our sons will pull up their pants and learn to read and want to be something other than a rap artist or a drug dealer. Maybe jail won’t be so attractive for “three hots and a cot.”

Trials and tribulations (problems) build charater. It helps us get closer to our Savior and in His Word. We are doing this next generation an injustice if we leave God out of their lives. Will they make it to the promise land, “Heaven?” Have we taught them whom they need in order to get there? We need to give them JESUS. The Bible says “Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal.” (Mat 6:19-20) and that only what we do for Christ will last. Then and only then we can ask them……”How Did You Feel When You Came Out The Wilderness?”

©Copyright 11/09
Ella D. Fleming

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

Ladies and gentleman my question to you is…..HAVE YOU DONE YOUR HOMEWORK? Okay, I know you’re saying to yourselves where is she going with this? For those of you who know me by now, you know what I’m talking about. Before you get serious or get your heart all invested in another person, have you found out everything there is to know all about them? Did you ask all the necessary questions, meet the family to see if they are sane or have a history of abuse, or drug usage, etc.? Did you run a background check? Have your friends and family checked the person out? Did you search the internet or hire a detective? Have you seen any signs that told you or is telling you to run for your life and don’t look back?

You have these smart young ladies with college degrees, masters and bachelors, etc. running behind these jokers who won’t even work in a pie factory let alone treat them the way they deserve to be treated. Then you have these really hardworking, loving, gentle, faithful men who fall for these women who are lazy, gold digging, mean, etc. Everyone is buying “Love.” What is up with that? I mean the list can go on and on with both of these scenarios.

Tell me what grade of person do you want, an A, B or C? Again my theory is no one is doing their homework and when you don’t do your homework you end up with a “BIG FAT ZERO.” We don’t care about the substance of a human being, just the outward appearance. We only care about how they make you feel at that time (lust), and what they can do for you (selfish). Some fall into another category, they know the person is wrong for them but for some reason they think “LOVE” can change him or her into this wonderful person……NOT! If you are a believer you should know better. You couldn’t even change yourself. If someone shows you who they are up front that is who they are, period. Only God can do the changing.

The sad thing is we take more time shopping for our outfits than we do finding out who we are “hooking up with.” We spend hours looking for the right shoe to match our dress and handbag, or spend hours buying a new car or selecting a course in school or a career, but we won’t invest the time or energy to finding out who we are letting into our sacred place. Our bodies are the temple of the Holy Ghost so why are you mixing darkness with light, the devil with the Lord.

In this life you can get schooled (played) or be schooled (smart), the choice is up to you. Everybody wants to be loved and for the most part I believe there is someone out there for everyone. The fact is we don’t use the right tools to find them (the Word). Are we a good judge of character? We may not be, but God is. He knows how many strands of hair is on your head; wouldn’t He know the right companion for you? Okay then, why aren’t you going to the source, “The Creator,” when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex? What really frustrates me, is seeing good people in a relationship with the wrong person.

Believe me, YOU WILL BE TESTED. No man can serve two masters. God will have no other gods before Him. He has a purpose for your life and he will not allow anything or anyone to get in the way of it. Thus he will remove the hindrances out of your way; for your good and for His glory. So if you are single and looking for a long term, serious relationship, please save yourself a lot of unnecessary grief, and look deep before you leap…….”DO YOUR HOMEWORK!!!”

Ella D. Fleming
©Copyright 11/09

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

“A man will be a man,” translation……It is in a man’s nature to do whatever he is going to do (cheat). You, as a woman, just need to accept it. If he wants to run around just let him, he will eventually get tired and come back.

“Man up” or “Take it like a man,” translation…….men aren’t suppose to cry or show any sign of weakness, you don’t need anybody, suck it up, don’t show any emotions, don’t be a punk.

I disagree with all. I don’t know about you, but this can mess a child up well into adulthood if this is all you hear on a daily basis. I never cared for the term, or said to a man, “A man will be a man” because even as a child I knew what it meant….. I saw it firsthand. I never believed in sharing and still don’t.

Whenever, I would hear a woman say this, it would send chills up my spine. I couldn’t understand why they would think so little of themselves. My thought process was, “well a woman needs to be a woman and get rid of his sorry butt.” Why would you want someone to use you as a belly warmer at their discretion? Now a days they would call this “a booty call.” One thing I found out about these type of so called men… they can dish it, but they can’t take it, and the women who let them get away with it usually end up alone and miserable. My momma use to say, “A man can’t do no more than a woman let him.”

The sayings, “Man Up” and “Take it like a Man” should mean, “Handle your business, and take care of your family.” I believe that some men aren’t being “Real men.” Women are taking on responsibilities that they weren’t designed to. They are holding down jobs, raising children and running their households single handedly, while their husbands /ex-husbands, or baby daddies aren’t pulling their weight. They’re not “MANNING UP” and literally “Taking it like a man.” Truth being told this is nothing new, woman have always had to handle their business. The phrase should have been “Take it like a WOMAN.”

The truth is we don’t want your job. WE ARE TIRED! God didn’t design women to carry the load. We were created to help men with the load, to be help meets. I believe this is why a lot of women are suffering with all types of illnesses. It is time for men to take their rightful place in their families and be the husbands and fathers that God created them to be. When men learn to submit to the will of God, show some humility, and learn to depend on the true and living God there would be fewer problems with our children, especially our young boys.

What gets me is that some men can get up early for a job, shout and yell at a football game or a sporting event, get dressed up and go here or there and attend this or that function or meeting, but when it comes to going to church or bible study, praying with and for their families, spending time with them, supporting them and staying true to their vows and commitments they have a problem.

When it comes to worshiping and praising the Lord in church or at home; they just sit there and say, “it doesn’t take all of that.” Thank God for the men who don’t mind praising and worshiping the Lord. My theory is that they have a hard time worshiping what they don’t see. They can’t submit to someone who is asking them to let go of the world and value what is truly important. Also, it could be that no one ever showed them how to be a man.

If men would let go and let God use them the devil would tremble. Women would be set free do be who God called us to be. Families would be stronger. Blessings will flow. Souls would be saved. The land will be healed. The Bible says in (1Cr. 13:11) when I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. Brothers don’t stay down; we sisters need you to ….”MAN UP!”

©Copyright 11/09
Ella D. Fleming

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

As they grow you try to raise them the right way. You try to teach them right from wrong, give them a good education as well as encourage them. You want to tell them about the do’s and don’ts of hanging with the wrong crowd, how to have manners as well as respect for others and themselves. You want to trust them and believe what they tell you. My dearly departed mother, who left this earth on Mother’s Day this year, use to say, “watch how you carry yourself; PEOPLE KNOW ME IN THE STREET.” I use to laugh at her when she said this. My first thought was “they know you, but they don’t know me,” boy was I wrong. She knew everybody and they knew us. I didn’t understand what she meant until I had my own children. What she was saying was “Watch what you do in that street because it will reflect badly on me as your mother.” It didn’t matter whether you dressed badly or behaved badly. Let’s face it; our children are reflections of us….GOOD OR BAD. That is why I don’t understand why people take up for their children when they are wrong. The difference now or days is that everything you do is being recorded or monitored. With the internet, Facebook, MySpace, and cell phones you can’t afford to make one bad decision because it will stick with you the rest of your life. The Bible talks about having a good name and reputation. I found this to be true from watching my mother raise five girls with very little money, but she had awesome credit and people respected her up until the day she died because of how she treated them, I know our friends did.

They will turn on you, tell you they hate you, be disrespectful and don’t listen at times. But you need to put your foot down, and do your job. For me there was no TIME OUT, just KNOCK OUT. Sometimes all it took was a look. The world didn’t dictate how I raised my children. My Bible said spear the rod spoil the child. Unfortunately, these days some mothers aren’t mothers. They want to be their children’s friends. They want to hang out with them and dress like them and party with them. You would think the children are the parents. They don’t want to discipline or correct them when they are wrong. They don’t care what they watch on TV, who their friends are, how they dress or behave. They don’t even see to it that they go to school or attend PTA meeting, or attend their activities. But they will go to the club and check up on their MAN and see to it that HE has what HE needs or act the fool for Him; sad sisters. What disturbs me the most is church folk, believers. They will put their children in this and that. Take them to this or that. Make this meeting and that meeting, but when it comes to church or Sunday school they would say…. “I don’t know what is wrong with him or her they won’t get up, or I don’t make my children go to church like my parents made me. “STUPID!” WHO’S THE PARENT? It may be tight but it is right. As for me and my house we WILL serve the LORD, I don’t care how old you get, you visit you go. When I leave this earth I want to know I left a legacy of decent human beings.

I must admit I was a tough mother, I have settled down quite a bit since I’ve gotten older, but I always allowed my children to be children and enjoy their childhood. If any child is in my care they are mine. I believe in telling my children the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I don’t sugar coat anything. If they don’t understand, I do my best to explain. If they chose to do the opposite, well that’s on them. I will always love them, but I will let them face the consequences. No bail out, just love, support and prayer. This they know about me. As a mother I will always be there for them. I let them know when they are wrong and when they do something right. I am and always will be their number one fan. Now, I am not saying that I didn’t make mistakes. Shoot, I made a lot. However, I had to learn from them; most of the time it was the hard way. No way was I perfect. But I did my very best. I keep growing and learning. I had to learn to say “I’m sorry.

Just because you raise them in the church doesn’t mean they will always be your perfect little angels when they leave your sight. They will make mistakes. They will break your heart. You will ask yourself many times where did I go wrong? So be careful not to put them on a pedestal and act as though they are better than anyone else’s child. This is a job that will test your faith and trust on a regular basis. You don’t get paid, you can’t retire, and it can affect your health from time to time if you let it. You will probably lose sleep and stay up walking the floor all night. This job will keep you on your knees in prayer crying out to God. There is no vacation unless you take one, even then, you will still be on the job if not physically, then mentally. I have done it 28 years and counting. When you become a grandmother the cycle begins again.

What I have found out over the years is that I had to let go and let God. I had to realize that I have done my job. I have done what was required of me. It was time for me to enjoy my life and DO ME! I had to trust that I have given them the foundation and the tools; and it is their job to build on it. The Bible says we should “train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6) It also says to “trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding; in ALL your ways acknowledge Him and He SHALL direct your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Whenever I told my children something, I could hear God’s voice saying it right back to me. If I told them to do their homework, study, pray, read the Bible, go to church and Sunday school, forgive, love, don’t hang out with the wrong crowd, don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t use or sell drugs, don’t have sex before marriage, I realized that God was telling me to lead by example. I thank God he trusted this job to me. Believe me I can’t say I always felt that way. But I do. Being a parent keeps me in line. It shows me how I should behave in God’s eye sight. He is my Heavenly Father, Lord and Savior. He gave us women an awesome task, really anyone who is responsible for children as a mentor, advisor, counselor, teacher, etc. could be a child’s substitute parent. They watch every move we make and they need us to be good examples, because a lot of children don’t have that. Believe me if you don’t raise them someone else will…..THE WORLD (Satan)! You will need them one day. The roles, if you live long enough, will change and they will have to take care of you. I KNOW THIS FIRST HAND. So…”Teach them right, Treat them right, and They will be alright” then you won’t need a DNA test to tell you that …You ARE the Mother!

© Copyright 10/09
Ella D. Fleming